Pickup Lines
by En Raconter
Summary: When Sasuke and Itachi bicker, Tenten often gets the short end of the stick. But what happens when they push her a little too far...? Light SasukeTentenItachi, SasukeHanabi, ItachiTemari, ItachiIno and SasoriDeidara


**Pickup Lines**

Tenten sat disgruntled inbetween the two boys. It was 9:00 and they still wouldn't leave. She had begged and begged them but they just wouldn't listen.

_Boys..._Tenten thought miserably.

"Aniki, I'm going to win this one."

"In your dreams, you little squirt."

What satisfaction could you possibly get from a stupid arm wrestle? Tenten had always pondered this ever since Neji and Lee had had one. She could see it, the spark of competitiveness in their eyes—caused by an insignificant little contest of strength. If Tenten hadn't beat them both that night, she swears they could've gone on forever.

The loud slam could be heard all over the bar. Burly men turned their heads and glanced at the two boys with a bit of mild interest. Sasuke's arm laid limp on the table. Itachi stared at him in triumph.

"What did I tell you?" he sneered at him.

"Just shut up," Sasuke said resting his elbow back up on the table, "rematch."

"Ugh..." Tenten groaned, "Can we please just go now? This is boring!"

"No," Sasuke said firmly, his gaze set on his older brother, "not until I win."

Tenten groaned again and put her head down onto the table, "You guys are hopeless."

"Hey it's not my fault, Sasuke just doesn't know when to quit," Itachi said smoothly, "But you know, if he really wants to be humiliated again, I'm happy to oblige."

"Just do it you bastard." Sasuke said.

Itachi just smirked and put his hand up too. Tenten sighed as another match began with Itachi sitting rather placidly while Sasuke struggled against him with sweat rolling down his cheeks.

"Ano, what's this?" came another voice, "The two Uchiha brothers fighting again, yeah?"

"It's rather a one-sided fight." said a different voice.

Tenten looked up to see a red-haired man with a blonde-haired one on his arm. Smiling tiredly at them, she said,

"Yes. I've been waiting here bored out of my mind. Glad you two came along though."

"Danna and I wanted to take you out for a late dinner. You haven't had any food, have you, yeah?" said the blonde haired man.

"Nope. I've been sitting here since seven."

"Could you guys keep it down?" asked Sasuke in frustration, "I'm trying to concentrate here!"

"Concentrate on what?" asked Itachi, "Losing?"

"You shut up."

"See what I have to put up with?" said Tenten.

"Tch, how awful," said Deidara, putting his hands on Sasori's chest, "Danna, let's treat her to a good dinner, yeah."

Sasuke's hand was once again slammed down onto the table.

"When will you learn?" asked Itachi mockingly.

"Argh...you cheated!" said Sasuke angrily.

"Idiot, how the hell would I cheat in an arm wrestling match?"

"You'd find a way..."

"Oh right..."

"Damnit, let's have a rematch!"

Tenten stood up from her chair. Yelling angrily she said, "That's it! You guys can stay here if you want but I'm leaving. Sasori-sama and Deidara-kun will take me to dinner!"

"Wait!" Sasuke yelled as Tenten was getting away from the table, "Just do one last thing for us!"

"What moronic plan have you thought of now, Sasuke?" asked Itachi.

"Let's have another contest." he replied.

"You really want to arm wrestle again after losing fifty times?"

"I only lost forty-eight times! And it isn't an arm wrestling match this time. It's something different."

"What do you need _me_ for?" asked Tenten irritably.

"We need a judge." replied Sasuke.

"A judge?"

"For our little contest."

"What exactly is this contest, yeah?" asked Deidara curiously.

"Yeah, what's your game?" asked Sasori joining in.

Sasuke smiled a little deviously and said, "Pickup lines."

"What?" Tenten asked in disbelief, "You're not serious..."

"Oh I'm very serious..."

Then the unthinkable happened.

Itachi _laughed_. People stared in shock.

"Ha...hahahaha! Oh little brother, you kill me, you kill me!"

_I wish_, Sasuke thought in annoyance.

"You actually think...haha..." said Itachi between chuckles, "you can best me in _that?_ Hahahaha!"

"Stop laughing you dumbass!"

"Oh...sorry...hahahaha..."

"Urghh!" Growling, Sasuke stomped up to the nearest girl and got right in her face, smiling handsomely.

"Hey gorgeous," he said, "I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

Then his teeth pinged with a sparkle worthy of Rock Lee's.

Tenten, Deidara, Sasori, and Itachi stared at the young Uchiha in wonder. Well, Itachi didn't really look like he was in wonder though. He looked more like someone had just cut off his hair and stuffed it up his—

"SASUKE!" yelled Itachi, startling both his little brother and the girl he was attempting to seduce, "THAT'S MY LINE YOU DIRTY LITTLE THIEF!"

"Itachi, j-just calm down, yeah." said Deidara.

But Itachi didn't listen. Instead, he stood up from his chair and grabbed a certain blonde-haired-blue-eyed girl.

"Hey, Yamanaka," he said with a charming smile, "Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes..."

Ino looked at Itachi with a face of both pity and disgust that Tenten sympathized with.

"Oh, so it's like that huh?" asked Sasuke.

_Like what?_ thought Tenten.

Sasuke bolted from his previous girl and ran up to another one—more specifically Hyuuga Hanabi.

_Isn't she too young to be at a bar?_ thought Tenten.

"That's a nice shirt, can I talk you out of it?" he asked playfully.

Hanabi jyuuken'd him all the way across the room.

"Good one, but I can do better!" yelled Itachi.

He ran up to another blonde Tenten knew as the sand kunoichi, Temari.

"Am I in heaven? Because you're definitely an angel..."

Temari just laughed in his face and smacked him into a wall with her fan.

She and Tenten had their differences, but boy did that make her day!

Sasori and Deidara watched in awe as the two Uchiha brothers ran across the bar, saying the cheesiest things to girls they didn't even know.

"That's a beautiful blouse, but it would look even better on the floor."

"I'm looking for some treasure, mind if I look around your chest?"

"You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day!"

"I think I need my eyes checked, because I can't take them off you!"

"You're so hot your ass is on fire!"

Tenten's eyes could hardly follow the pair, zipping around the place like chipmunks on steroids.

Deidara turned to Sasori. Frowning he said, "Danna, how come you never say those kinds of things to _me?_"

Sasori just rolled his eyes.

Tenten checked her watch. They'd been going at it for twenty minutes. When they finally stopped, they were panting, hands on their knees, out of breath. It was sort of sad.

"So...who...won...?" asked Sasuke between breaths.

"You don't even need to ask...it was obviously me!" retorted Itachi.

"You wish!"

Both boys darted up to Tenten, trying to push each other on the way.

"Tenten decide—" Sasuke got interrupted as Itachi punched him in the cheek.

"—Yeah! Who won? It's me ri—" Itachi was cut off as Sasuke's foot came into contact with his nose.

"Out of the way, stupid! Tenten, say I'm the winner!" Sasuke was pulled out of the way by his hair.

"No, me!" said Itachi.

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"Me!"

Both boys were now holding each of her hands, looking at Tenten desperately. She was frozen on the spot. She didn't know what to say. She looked at Sasori and Deidara helplessly but they just shrugged, clueless of what to do.

"That's it!" yelled Sasuke, "If you don't know who won, I'll just have to convince you!"

"Don't even try it, Sasuke!" said Itachi threateningly.

"Too bad, Aniki!"

"I'm the one who thought of the line!"

"I don't care, I'm using it!"

"Not if I use it first!"

Then, in unison they yelled,

"IS YOUR DADDY A BAKER? BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT THE FINEST LOOKING BUNS I'VE EVER SEEN!"

There was eerie silence.

Moments passed.

And then Itachi and Sasuke both woke up in a hospital room five hours later.

**FIN**


End file.
